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School mornings - the struggle is real

Posted on July 31 2016

Getting three children dressed and ready to leave the house is an epic task.

You know that movie, 50 First Dates? Where Drew Barrymore suffers a head injury and each day when she wakes, all her memories have gone? The guy that is in love with her, Adam Sandler, has to basically reintroduce himself everyday and get her to fall in love with him.

I am Adam Sandler, and my kids are Drew Barrymore. Each day, my children wake, forgetting that they go to school.

Every day, I wake them up. I creep in, gently kiss them and whisper, 'wake up my darling, it's time to get up'. They are so gorgeous, sweet smelling, warm and snuggly. I am always overcome with love at this point, wondering how I got so lucky. They lightly stir and roll over, not quite ready to face the day.

I go back to the kitchen and start to make my coffee. While the machine is heating, I walk back to their rooms. Treading heavier this time, making my footsteps heard. I remove the doona from their scrunched faces, still gently, but firmer than before. 'Guys, come on, up you get'. At this point I am met with some resistance. The doona goes back up. I pull it back down. They groan. Flip over and bury their sleepy heads in their pillow. 'Five more minutes' they mutter.

Back to the kitchen I go where I add the finishing touches to their lunch boxes, fill their water bottles and pack their bags.

This time I mean business. Sh*ts getting real. Down the hallway I go, flipping lights with purpose, my voice getting louder. 'Right. Up. Now'. Their bedroom lights are on, I tear their doona's back. They screech at me as though I have doused them in boiling oil. 'What are you doing? Turn off the light! My eyes!'.

Nice, Mary Poppins mum has gone. I'm suddenly the evil stepmother from Cinderella. They cannot believe the injustice of being woken from their slumber.

Unnecessarily, or so I think, I yell, 'get ready for school!'. They stare at me like I am speaking a foreign language. As if they have never heard of school, and that we haven't been doing this bullsh*t routine for over 5 years.

To calm my rage, back to the kitchen I go, pour my coffee, and take a sip. Heaven. I need it. It's good. Essential. They wander out. I take a deep breath, force a smile, and ask what they want to eat. I am met with blank stares. 'Guys! Food! Breakfast! What do you want?!' 'Nothing', they mumble, and head to the coonara, where I have placed their uniforms to avoid the imminent 'I can't find my uniform' struggle.

They fight. One is getting more heat than the other. One's clothes are warmer than the other. One pointed their bum at the other and farted. Shrieks of 'NO I DIDN'T, I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A SOOK, YOU LIKE HER BETTER THAN ME' begin.

2 year old is now awake and up. Excellent. Just what I need. He's so cute and cuddly in the morning in his Toy Story pj's. The girls flock to him and inevitably fight over him. He's smart. He plays them against each other. More tears and screams ensue.

I put out the cereal, bread, Nutella and vegemite and call out 'help yourself'. Lazy mother you say. Whatever. I don't care what you think. I tell them I'll be back in five minutes, and that when I am, I want them sitting at the table, dressed and eating.

I have a cigarette. Check Facebook, emails, Instagram, play angry birds. 5 minutes peace. I can hear them inside. I know they are not following instructions.

I go back in and am met with cereal on the ground. No one is dressed, the TV is on. I was a firm believer in no TV in the morning but it's the only way to keep 2 year old occupied. So I allow it. But they are ALL watching it. Glued to Toy Story like they haven't watched it 543 times this week. 'No! No no no no!' Breakfast now!' 'I want French toast' says one. 'I want fruit salad' says the other. 'You have to get up earlier than you do if you want stuff like that for breakfast', I say. I slice a banana in a bowl each, dump yoghurt on it and declare it a fruit salad. Or a deconstructed smoothie. Whatever. They eat it.

Once again, I tell them to get dressed. I can tell they are hearing me but it's not sinking in. They are still shocked that they must get dressed. I am the one shrieking now like a deranged hag, and as I head to the shower, I hear them mutter things like 'psycho' and 'what's her problem'.

I take a four minute shower, as I don't trust them to be unsupervised for any longer. They still manage to interrupt my shower time by using the toilet, flushing it while I'm in there, burning me in the process. 'Sorrrrry' they say, smiling sweetly. I know they aren't. They meant it, probably even planned it. It's my punishment for making them get up and get dressed.

My short but sweet shower has somewhat calmed me, and as I'm drying off, I call out, 'are you guys ready? Clothes, shoes, hair, teeth, iPads?' 'Yes mum!', they lie. I shouldn't have mentioned iPads. Why did I do that. I quickly dress and head out to the lounge room. Miss 9 is dressed. Sitting on the couch doing a Musical.ly video on her iPad. Miss 6 is half dressed with Nutella in her eyebrow, taking selfies on her iPad. They jump up as they see me, they know I'm mad. 'Im ready!!' says Miss 10. I raise my eyebrow. That does it. I have fierce eyebrows. She is in the bathroom brushing her teeth in 2 seconds. Miss 6 is oblivious. She's still taking selfies but is now pirouetting as well. She's just started dancing. I grab her like a baby, wash her face, put on her pants, do her hair, and lead her to the bathroom. I put her toothpaste on her brush and stand there like a teacher supervising a test. She does a mediocre job, slower than a sloth, so I take over and brush her teeth. She spits. Half in the basin, half down her shirt. Happy days. She wipes it with her wet hand, smearing it further so it looks like a pelican has shat all down the front of her. Deep breaths. Pick your battles. At least people will know she actually brushed her teeth. That's important.

I quickly dress Mr 2. This is like wrestling an oiled piglet. I shove him into his clothes while he is shooting me with 'rays' and pretending to be a race car driver, complete with sounds. I am covered in his spit from said sound effects, but it's time to go.

We are all ready, all we need to do is get in the car. Simple!

No.

I open the front door, and suddenly everyone is conscientious. They want to be first out the door and in the car. This causes jammed fingers, screams, and tripping. When my front door opens, it's as if my house has suddenly given birth to screaming demented massive triplets. Sorry neighbours.

We get in the car. Seatbelts are on. I reverse out the driveway and we are on our way. I hear a very quiet 'muuum' from the back seat. My eyes flick to the rear view mirror. Miss 6 shrinks in her seat. 'I forgot my water bottle'. 'I put it in your bag' I tell her. 'I took it out again' she says. I breathe and try not to plant my foot on the accelerator. Luckily my car is as untidy as my house. I reach behind me and pull an empty pump bottle from under the seat. Crisis averted.

We arrive at school. We made it. We hop out and walk in. I kiss goodbye like mother of the year, tell them I love them and that I'll miss them. I'm lying. I love them. But I won't miss them. Not until I've gotten home and cleaned up the aftermath of the morning.

This is not an extraordinary day. This is every day. I've gotten up earlier, I've tried routine, I've tried everything. I've made their breakfast, they don't eat it. Nothing seems to make the mornings go any smoother. They still manage to move slower than the sloths in Zootopia.

I'm sure when they are grown up and gone, and the house is quiet, with no hustle and bustle, I'll look back on these days with fondness. I'll laugh about Nutella in the eyebrows and pelican crap on the shirt. But now? Man it's hard.

Claire

93 comments

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  • Lilian Morgan: August 02, 2023

    HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK HOME WITH THE HELP OF A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER DR IFADE TEXT OR CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP +15513334259 OR EMAIL HIM ON ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Regard LILIAN MORGAN. My name is LILIAN MORGAN and I am from the United States. I almost took my life because of my husband who left me and stopped picking my calls and answering my mails and my messages. He said  He do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince and beg him, but he would not believe or answer me until we had a fight and  broke up for 6months, after that I realized I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr IFADE he helped me cast a spell  and behold my husband came back after 48 hours, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr IFADE still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr IFADE today On ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Contact him via is whatsapp number +15513334259 indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. i can never stop talking about you sir.  DR IFADE is really a great man you can contact him for solution for any kind of  problems like (1) lottery spell (2) ex back (3) get pregnant (4) cure for any kind of sickness, disease and infection And many others contact this great man today and get your Problems solved. Virus-free.www.avast.com

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  • sam smith: June 16, 2023

    I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met
    two weeks ago, I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife
    left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online
    when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online I decided to
    give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we are happily
    married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is
    thank you very much am very happy Contact him today on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348136482342. www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220

  • Susan Harrington: May 13, 2023

    Hello everyone out here!! My Fiancée Lesbian who left me is back, I want to share my testimony it’s my happiness with you all in this site, last year my Lesbian Wife left me for another woman, she abandon me alone and I miss her, since everything was so hard for me because i really love her so much, i didn’t lose hope i try my best to get her back when i was searching online and read testimonies of Dr Kachi how he has been helping ladies in getting there Ex lover back, I had no option than to seek for help, i contacted Dr Kachi explain my problem to him, Dr Kachi Guarantee me not to worry that’s going to help me cast a return love spell for me, that will bring my Lesbian Wife back and assure me within 2days, it was just like a magic my wife who left me surely return back, i couldn’t believe when she live the other lady and she come back to me with so much love and caring will are together now, I will never forget this help that Dr Kachi did for me, a love spell that brought my wife back. If you are here and you need help to get your Ex Lesbian back do contact Dr Kachi through this email: drkachispellcast@gmail.com I’m proud to be on his testimony page. His Number Text and Call +1 (209) 893-8075 Visit his Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

  • Matt: May 13, 2023

    My name is Matt. I’m here to say a very big thanks to Priest Salami and his great Oracle for saving my marriage. No one would have believe that I and my wife will ever come back together again as lovers. But this great spell caster reunited us in just 48hours. Priest Salami is truly a real and honest online spell caster. Contact him now on: purenaturalhealer@gmail.com. Whatsapp number: +2348143757229

  • Albert Walker: April 23, 2023

    Good day to all viewer online, my name is Albert Walker I am so overwhelmed sharing this great testimony on how i was checking for solution in the internet while miraculously i came across Dr Kachi who brought my ex Girlfriend back to me, This is the reason why i have taken it upon myself to thank this great spell caster called Dr Kachi, because through his help my life became more filled with love and i am happy to say that my ex Girlfriend who has been separated from me for the past 2years came back to me pleading for me to accept her back, This was a shocking to me my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before, because before i contacted Dr Kachi i was the one begging my ex Girlfriend to come back to me but through the assistance of Dr Kachi, I now have my relationship restored. You can also have a better relationship only if you Contact Dr Kachi Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site OR Email: drkachispellcast@gmail.com You can reach him Call and Text Number:+1 (209) 893-8075

  • sam smith: April 23, 2023

    I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met
    two weeks ago,  I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife
    left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online
    when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online I decided to
    give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we are happily
    married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is
    thank you very much am very happy   Contact him today on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348136482342. www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220

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