School holidays and saying NO

Aah school holidays. Love 'em or hate 'em, they are here again. It's been a long term. The weather is absolute sh*t. The kids are tired, I'm tired, it's time to rest. Well that's my plan anyway.

It has been about 24 hours since school finished for the term, and I have already been interrogated by the demons about what we are going to be doing. Apparently staying warm, cleaning their old clothes out and watching TV wasn't quite the answer they were hoping for, as it was met with disgust and a shitload of eye rolling and sighs. 'Max is going to Western Australia for 2 weeks' my daughter sneered. 'It's not fair. Why can't we do anything fun?' 'Well maybe Max isn't an ungrateful little turd' I replied immaturely, with a ghetto head flick and pointed finger. 'Maybe his parents want to take him places because he doesn't EXPECT it'. This was met with blank stares. I copped another eye roll and she stormed off.

I have written about this before. My first blog ever was actually about the school holidays, once they were over. This time, it's just the beginning and I'm feeling apprehensive. Am I being a bad mother because I don't have an extensive itinerary planned? Should I be feeling guilt about this? I don't think so. But it's hard in this day and age of 'keeping up with the Joneses'.

I hate play centres. I despise them. Drinking sh*t coffee in a noisy, kid-filled germ-pit is not my idea of fun. Especially with a fearless, monkey-like 2 year old who will climb to the highest, smallest part of the apparatus and will then not get down. Yeah my kids like it, but no. Just no.

I'll probably take them to a park. Rug them up, take their bikes and scooters. Some snacks, a drink. They'll play for a while, fight a lot. I'll offer them the snacks I have thoughtfully prepared and they will turn their nose up at them and ask if we can't just go to Maccas. Toddler will fall in the mud, take off his shoes and I'll have to leave. Because I'll have forgotten to bring a change of clothes. That's how I roll. I'll drag their crap back to the car, the bikes, the scooters, the drink bottles and uneaten snacks. They'll whinge cos we are leaving, even though they weren't particularly enjoying themselves anyway. I'll take them to Maccas. To shut them up. That's bad. I know.

We seem to have created this culture of giving in. Maybe because we are so busy and occupied, we have found it hard to say no and stick to it. We give in to most of their whims and whining, for 5 minutes peace. I know not everyone does this, but I definitely know a lot do. And the kids know better than anyone, if they ask, whinge or sulk long enough, we are going to give in. Buy them things, take them places. Get them Maccas, even though for my kids, this isn't really even a treat. When I was a kid, Maccas was a BIG deal. If you went, it was because it was someone's birthday. Mum didn't take us there to shut us up. It was an event. A reward, a treat. Now when I go there, it costs me 40 bucks, they barely eat any of it and I end up throwing out the happy meal toys as soon as their backs are turned.

I was talking with a friend last week who was buying her daughter's birthday presents. Presents. Plural. Now I don't know if my parents were particularly frugal or what, but after hearing what she'd bought and that she was also going to add cash as it 'probably wasn't enough' I was horrified. When did birthdays morph into Christmas? When did we decide that one birthday gift wasn't enough? That they need a sack-full of gifts with each passing year. Larger, more expensive gifts. I do it myself, I know I do, but when we were kids, we got A present. Maybe a couple of little things all adding up to one, but it wasn't the pile of gifts that seem to now be the norm. I actually LOVE giving presents. I love everything about it, choosing, wrapping, presenting - the whole deal. It's rewarding and satisfying to see someone receive and love a gift you have carefully and thoughtfully selected. But it seems now we are more focussed on the value of the gift rather than if it's what the person may like. We ask the mother (or the child) what they want, so as to avoid any disappointment by said child. I mean no one wants to give a shit present, but where has the thoughtfulness gone!? Where you chose something for someone because you thought they'd love and appreciate it. I'm wondering if it's because they get too much, and because gifts don't hold the same meaning that they once did, we are at risk of being a sh*t present-giver.

Not a day goes by that I don't buy something for one of my kids. They never have to wait. If they NEED something, and I use the term
NEED very loosely, then I get it. They don't know how it feels to be told, it's your birthday in 4 months, maybe then. Or, maybe Santa will bring it. I have created this situation, I take full responsibility but I'm wondering how to change it. Do I just stop? Do I slowly downsize the giving?

I am going to use these holidays as an exercise. I'm going to try and bring back the days of old. Try and bring back the excitement of treats, the anticipation of a well earned outing. Let them be kids that don't require money. My parents never let on that we didn't have much money. We weren't aware of their financial situation. Yeah my fake cabbage patch doll was somewhat of a giveaway, but it was still a toy to love and cherish. Not an almost disposable remnant of a day at the shops, cuddled until the next shopping trip when they found something better.

Today we went to the movies as a family. We don't do it often, for starters, it costs as much as the weekly food budget, but mainly because my son hasn't been old enough to go and stay relatively still. Today we did it. We bought the $10 tickets online, then spent another $50 on popcorn and drinks. We had a great time. My son was pretty good! He mucked around a little and then with ten minutes to go, took a loud and potent dump. But it was good, everyone was smiling and happy. Then we walked out. 'What's for lunch? Can we play games? I'm thirsty'. I said No. We went home and they ate food we had at home. They had a drink of water and are now on a bike ride with my husband. I think that's better. Don't you?

I'm expecting tears, more eye rolls and tantrums. But I'm going to start saying no more often. If I pull into Maccas for a 50c cone, it's going to be because I decide they should have one. Not because they have nagged the crap out me. I'm going to try and teach them the value of money, the art of being content with what they already have and the delicious anticipation of wondering what mum and dad are going to come up with.

Wish me luck.