How Facebook Killed Our School Reunion...

It was my 20 year high school reunion last night. 20 years. How the hell did that happen?

It seriously feels like yesterday that I finished school. I actually loved school. I had some amazing friends that I still see to this day.

We have had a few reunions over the years, 10 years, 15 years, and a couple of mini ones in between. Each one has been great, but one thing was glaringly obvious, numbers were not great.

I'm not sure how many we had in our year, maybe 100, 120. Our first reunion was the biggest. Good numbers. A few teachers. It was great.

Numbers have seriously dwindled since then.

I get that everyone is busy. Everyone has stuff going on. This time of year is often jam packed with parties, sporting events and concerts. People are committed and while a reunion is fun, it's often not a priority of our precious time.

There are other reasons too, why a reunion can suffer.

Not everyone has fond memories of those days. To some, high school was torture. A hellish, brutal time in their lives, that evokes terrible memories of bullying, loneliness and fear.

I witnessed these acts. I stood by when people were bullied, laughed at, and mercilessly teased. As much as I'm confident that I wasn't the perpetrator of these crimes - yes, I'm calling them crimes, I was certainly no innocent bystander. I never once stood up for these kids. I never said 'hey - leave her/him alone'. I probably even smirked, or giggled. I followed the crowd, not realising the long lasting effects of our actions.

I'm sure the thought of walking into a room full of people that you totally f*cking hate, and that owe you 20 years worth of anxiety, depression and psychiatric fees, is quite horrific.

Having said that - not everyone has harboured those feelings. Some of those who did have a pretty shitty time at school, have managed to move past it and mentally compartmentalise high school into a special area, generally reserved for things like eating offal, Brussel sprouts and stirrup pants.

Maybe you have no interest in revisiting the past?  School is over, you are moving forward. What's done is done and you don't feel the need to look back. That's cool too.

This years numbers were low. It was not a lack of trying or organisation. It was really well done, a lot of people just didn't come.

And I'm going to tell you why. At least this is what I think...

FACEBOOK KILLED THE REUNION

Facebook killed the curiosity.

If we are curious as to what a certain person is up to, we look them up on Facey. Maybe add them as a friend. Even maybe perfunctorily engage with them on the odd occasion.

We can see what people look like from the comfort of our homes. Let's face it, half of the lure of the reunion is to see what people look like. How they've changed. If the school hottie is still a hottie. If the person voted most likely to succeed, has in fact succeeded.

You can sit back and cackle at the fact that the hot popular bitch that made your life hell is now a frumpy lonely cow - without never having to set foot in the same room as them.

We already know if our old school mates are married, divorced, have had babies. We know where they live, and what they had for breakfast.

We have lost the delicious anticipation of wondering if we will recognise our old classmates. If they will recognise us.

It can make for quite stilted conversations.

"So, Bob, what have you been up to?"

"Oh I'm an electrician, married, couple of kids".

"Oh yes, I did see that on Facebook"

**crickets**

Of course these glimpses into people's lives aren't always the full story. As my friend Briony said to me the other day, it is purely a highlights reel. Most people just share the good stuff. We see their exciting lives, maybe feel a little jealous and inadequate and decide to never talk to them more than you have to as you have nothing in common.

Last night I spoke to people who I wasn't FB friends with. It was so refreshing! I learnt things about people that I have known for 26 years. There were no preconceived notions about what they had been up to, because I didn't know. I had to ask, delve, and respond. It was awesome. It made me realise that I wasted a whole lot of years not talking to kids who were actually really decent people.

I know that not everyone will agree with me. That's fine! This is, like I said, just my opinion. Not everyone is on Facebook and even if they are, they may not be active users.

I just still can't help but feel that as useful as Facebook was for organising the reunion, it was equally as damaging. It wasn't a flop. It was fantastic. It was just disappointing that there weren't more people.

My advice to you, if you have a reunion coming up - GO. Talk. Even if you think you know everything about someone from Facebook, ask more questions. Get to know them again. They are different now. Don't just stick to your 'group'. Don't strut in with your posse and ignore those that weren't your friends. Reintroduce yourself. Who knows. You might make some new ones.

Claire x