Posted on June 12 2016
Whoever is buying for Kmart needs a big fat pay rise. Although they may be currently hiding from outraged husbands everywhere, they deserve a massive pat on the back.
I'm a self confessed Kmart tragic. It's the adult equivalent of toy kingdom, the thrifty shopper's Mecca. I'm also a massive tight arse so it's my jam. It's cheap, sometimes nasty but it's addictive. And dangerous. (In a non life threatening way).
The other night Sam and I decided to go to Kmart. Off we drove to Plenty Valley. We needed a few 'fill in' items for some photos. Although we have so many TSID outfits at our fingertips, who can resist a 6 buck tshirt?
On the way there we gave a little thought to how long we would be. An hour? Hour and a half? Yeah right. It was 8.30pm and PV shuts at 10. We laughed and laughed and headed up Plenty Road to the 24hr store in Reservoir.
It was a freezing cold rainy night, the sort that encourages you to stay home by the fire in your dressing gown, but we are dedicated to Kmart. Not even a Category 5 cyclone can keep us away. 2 minutes in the door and it's begun. Phrases like 'omg I totally need that... This would look SO good on you... That totally matches your... I need a new...' began pouring out of our mouth like verbal diarrhoea.
We grabbed a trolley. To share. I know, I know, rookie mistake. 'I need PJs', says Sam. 'Same', I said. I don't. I have plenty. But something in that flouro lit cave of heaven made me forget that I even own ANYTHING. On the way to the PJs we see shoes. 'Shoes!!' We squeal, like two school girls who have spotted Justin Bieber. Our ugg boots were off quicker than a bride's nightie and we tried on shoes that were completely superfluous to our already overflowing racks at home. We managed to convince ourselves that the Kmart 'cons' were just EXACTLY like the real deal (who reads labels right?) and we both grabbed pairs in each colour.
Ok now where were we. PJs. Yes. But OMG look! LONG SLEEVED TEES! We absolutely OMG NEED 17 each. Done. Trolley is looking very full. At this point we had trouble even looking each other in the eye. We knew we were on a very dangerous slippery slope to retail hell. I wordlessly slip off and get my own trolley. We split up our items without a sound and continue. We reach the PJs. I very reluctantly abstain. Sam doesn't. Her trolley is now fuller than mine. I'm winning.
At this point Sam remembers that her baby daughter could use some clothes too. So we chuck a U-y and head back through womenswear to the kid section. OMG! Flannelette shirts! With hoods! 'Yep I need that' I say firmly. 'I'll live in it, I know I will'. I'm speaking as convincingly as a defence attorney but I'm wasting my breath. Sam isn't going to talk me out of this. She's got my back.
While Sam heads to the baby clothes I'm waylaid by a wall of cushions. A WALL. Like a deer in the spotlight I'm stopped in my tracks. I look at my trolley and back at the wall. Even if I was to buy cushions, there's no room in my trolley. At this point I start to do some pretty serious soul searching, and start asking myself the big questions in life, like 'do I need all the shoes in navy, red, olive, white and grey?' 'Will I wear my flannelette with pride or will I feel like a lumberjack?' I'm still standing there when Sam comes back. She can sense my dilemma. The stench of potential buyers remorse coming off me in waves. 'Are you ok Hun?' She asks. 'Not really' I say. 'I just think that the money I wasn't going to spend at all today would be better spent on stuff for the house. Rather than outfits and shoes. I don't NEED this stuff, but I do need cushions. Like bad'. She sympathetically smiles at me. She knows I'm right and is supportive.
Our late night trip has suddenly taken on a new direction. Our energy increases. We take stock of our trolleys, and start putting it all back. Armed with a clean slate, we head to homewares. With vim and vigour, we talk colours, we are acting like the judges from the block, our dialogue peppered with phrases like 'bang on trend' and 'interesting palette'. We are strutting like we know our shit and we once again begin to load up our trolleys. I have a concrete candle. A timber fruit bowl, cushions and a throw rug. Ooh look! Teaspoons! I need teaspoons. I'll have 2 packs. I don't give a toss if they don't match my set. I'm tipping they will end up with the missing others, in the bin at school.
I spot a painted canvas. It's $6. 'I think I need that Sam'. I say tentatively. 'YES!' She squeals in her special Sam way. I grab it and add it to my wares. I turn around the corner and all of sudden there's another canvas. A nicer one. With different colours. It's $19. Pricey. I like it better, but the $13 has me thrown. Now I know that even as I write this that that sounds ridiculous, but when you are on a spree like I am, every cent counts. Now all my other stuff doesn't match. I once again empty my trolley into a dark nook (sorry Kmart staff) and once AGAIN, hunt for soft furnishings in my colours. We re-approach the wall of cushions, and all of a sudden the Libra in me comes out. I can't make decisions at the best of times but now I'm sweating and hopping from one foot to another like a toddler busting for a pee. 'I can't do this!' I wail, 'the canvas is now a different colour in this aisle and I'm worried it won't match my couch. You are going to have to choose Sam, I just can't even begin'. My patient, stylish, calm friend has got my back. Again. She sets up a little mini section and starts recreating my lounge room, grabbing brown leather boots to mimic the colour of my couch. She grabs cushions, sends me off to find a neutral throw. She sorts me out in seconds and restores me to normal. I'm done.
We decide to leave when the sound of thunder booms through the store. The rain is beating down so hard, we know we need to keep shopping to avoid getting wet. So we do. Sam finds kitchen canisters. I re-grab the fruit bowl, a chopping board, some tea towels. It's 11.45pm. We MUST leave.
This part is probably the scariest. Scanning your items, doing a final 'do I or don't I' and paying. Buyers remorse comes creeping back and I swat it away with murmurs of 'I deserve this'.
We drive home laughing again. We really shouldn't be allowed out together. We are enablers to each other's addiction, the worst kind of friend.
She drops me off and I sneak in the front door trying not to wake everyone with my rustling bags. I quickly set out everything. I feel like a Block contestant with 5 minutes til reveal. I do this so my family don't wake to my bags. I naively assume my new items will blend into our decor of towels on the ground from last nights shower and the 83 plastic cups they have used that day.
I creep into bed, willing my husband not to wake. He doesn't. I'm safe.
Next morning I get a phone call. 'Nice cushions Love', my husband says. 'You noticed?' I say incredulously. Im shocked. I ring Sam to see what she thought of the photo I sent her of my newly styled lounge before bed. She is laughing as when her husband got up, he questioned the bongo drums she had sitting on the bench. Canisters. They were her new canisters.
Does anyone else do this? Do you have a Kmart buddy? Do you hit the shops and find yourself losing all control and sensibility? Tell me all about it!
Claire X
I'm a self confessed Kmart tragic. It's the adult equivalent of toy kingdom, the thrifty shopper's Mecca. I'm also a massive tight arse so it's my jam. It's cheap, sometimes nasty but it's addictive. And dangerous. (In a non life threatening way).
The other night Sam and I decided to go to Kmart. Off we drove to Plenty Valley. We needed a few 'fill in' items for some photos. Although we have so many TSID outfits at our fingertips, who can resist a 6 buck tshirt?
On the way there we gave a little thought to how long we would be. An hour? Hour and a half? Yeah right. It was 8.30pm and PV shuts at 10. We laughed and laughed and headed up Plenty Road to the 24hr store in Reservoir.
It was a freezing cold rainy night, the sort that encourages you to stay home by the fire in your dressing gown, but we are dedicated to Kmart. Not even a Category 5 cyclone can keep us away. 2 minutes in the door and it's begun. Phrases like 'omg I totally need that... This would look SO good on you... That totally matches your... I need a new...' began pouring out of our mouth like verbal diarrhoea.
We grabbed a trolley. To share. I know, I know, rookie mistake. 'I need PJs', says Sam. 'Same', I said. I don't. I have plenty. But something in that flouro lit cave of heaven made me forget that I even own ANYTHING. On the way to the PJs we see shoes. 'Shoes!!' We squeal, like two school girls who have spotted Justin Bieber. Our ugg boots were off quicker than a bride's nightie and we tried on shoes that were completely superfluous to our already overflowing racks at home. We managed to convince ourselves that the Kmart 'cons' were just EXACTLY like the real deal (who reads labels right?) and we both grabbed pairs in each colour.
Ok now where were we. PJs. Yes. But OMG look! LONG SLEEVED TEES! We absolutely OMG NEED 17 each. Done. Trolley is looking very full. At this point we had trouble even looking each other in the eye. We knew we were on a very dangerous slippery slope to retail hell. I wordlessly slip off and get my own trolley. We split up our items without a sound and continue. We reach the PJs. I very reluctantly abstain. Sam doesn't. Her trolley is now fuller than mine. I'm winning.
At this point Sam remembers that her baby daughter could use some clothes too. So we chuck a U-y and head back through womenswear to the kid section. OMG! Flannelette shirts! With hoods! 'Yep I need that' I say firmly. 'I'll live in it, I know I will'. I'm speaking as convincingly as a defence attorney but I'm wasting my breath. Sam isn't going to talk me out of this. She's got my back.
While Sam heads to the baby clothes I'm waylaid by a wall of cushions. A WALL. Like a deer in the spotlight I'm stopped in my tracks. I look at my trolley and back at the wall. Even if I was to buy cushions, there's no room in my trolley. At this point I start to do some pretty serious soul searching, and start asking myself the big questions in life, like 'do I need all the shoes in navy, red, olive, white and grey?' 'Will I wear my flannelette with pride or will I feel like a lumberjack?' I'm still standing there when Sam comes back. She can sense my dilemma. The stench of potential buyers remorse coming off me in waves. 'Are you ok Hun?' She asks. 'Not really' I say. 'I just think that the money I wasn't going to spend at all today would be better spent on stuff for the house. Rather than outfits and shoes. I don't NEED this stuff, but I do need cushions. Like bad'. She sympathetically smiles at me. She knows I'm right and is supportive.
Our late night trip has suddenly taken on a new direction. Our energy increases. We take stock of our trolleys, and start putting it all back. Armed with a clean slate, we head to homewares. With vim and vigour, we talk colours, we are acting like the judges from the block, our dialogue peppered with phrases like 'bang on trend' and 'interesting palette'. We are strutting like we know our shit and we once again begin to load up our trolleys. I have a concrete candle. A timber fruit bowl, cushions and a throw rug. Ooh look! Teaspoons! I need teaspoons. I'll have 2 packs. I don't give a toss if they don't match my set. I'm tipping they will end up with the missing others, in the bin at school.
I spot a painted canvas. It's $6. 'I think I need that Sam'. I say tentatively. 'YES!' She squeals in her special Sam way. I grab it and add it to my wares. I turn around the corner and all of sudden there's another canvas. A nicer one. With different colours. It's $19. Pricey. I like it better, but the $13 has me thrown. Now I know that even as I write this that that sounds ridiculous, but when you are on a spree like I am, every cent counts. Now all my other stuff doesn't match. I once again empty my trolley into a dark nook (sorry Kmart staff) and once AGAIN, hunt for soft furnishings in my colours. We re-approach the wall of cushions, and all of a sudden the Libra in me comes out. I can't make decisions at the best of times but now I'm sweating and hopping from one foot to another like a toddler busting for a pee. 'I can't do this!' I wail, 'the canvas is now a different colour in this aisle and I'm worried it won't match my couch. You are going to have to choose Sam, I just can't even begin'. My patient, stylish, calm friend has got my back. Again. She sets up a little mini section and starts recreating my lounge room, grabbing brown leather boots to mimic the colour of my couch. She grabs cushions, sends me off to find a neutral throw. She sorts me out in seconds and restores me to normal. I'm done.
We decide to leave when the sound of thunder booms through the store. The rain is beating down so hard, we know we need to keep shopping to avoid getting wet. So we do. Sam finds kitchen canisters. I re-grab the fruit bowl, a chopping board, some tea towels. It's 11.45pm. We MUST leave.
This part is probably the scariest. Scanning your items, doing a final 'do I or don't I' and paying. Buyers remorse comes creeping back and I swat it away with murmurs of 'I deserve this'.
We drive home laughing again. We really shouldn't be allowed out together. We are enablers to each other's addiction, the worst kind of friend.
She drops me off and I sneak in the front door trying not to wake everyone with my rustling bags. I quickly set out everything. I feel like a Block contestant with 5 minutes til reveal. I do this so my family don't wake to my bags. I naively assume my new items will blend into our decor of towels on the ground from last nights shower and the 83 plastic cups they have used that day.
I creep into bed, willing my husband not to wake. He doesn't. I'm safe.
Next morning I get a phone call. 'Nice cushions Love', my husband says. 'You noticed?' I say incredulously. Im shocked. I ring Sam to see what she thought of the photo I sent her of my newly styled lounge before bed. She is laughing as when her husband got up, he questioned the bongo drums she had sitting on the bench. Canisters. They were her new canisters.
Does anyone else do this? Do you have a Kmart buddy? Do you hit the shops and find yourself losing all control and sensibility? Tell me all about it!
Claire X
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HOW TO GET YOUR EX HUSBAND BACK HELP OF DR KACHI CALL NUMBER +1 (209) 893-8075
God did it for me again with the help of Dr Kachi with his love spell to get my husband back. we divorce 3months ago and since things become so hard for me because I love my husband so much, But he was chatting on me with another woman and he always goes to party every night my husband doesn’t care about me whenever he get back at night he will be beating me up with no reason, I cry every night and day to get my husband back to his normal love and affection that he give to me before. but nothing was working out for me I try my best I left him with my kids but I couldn’t sleep at night without thinking about my husband, then one day I was reading a new online about our politics and I see a comment about Dr Kachi how he restored broken relationship back and marriage, i didn’t believe in love spell at the first place, then i have to make further research about Dr Kachi I opened his website I can’t believe what I saw a great man helping people return their lover back and being happy in relationship again. I went fast and contacted Dr Kachi to help me restore my marriage back, after I provided the required needed to cast the love spell, the next day my husband come back to me and apologies for him leaving me and the kids Dr Kachi made me the happiest woman on earth I am so happy, I do appreciate your kind help bring my husband home, you can also contact him and seek for help in break up in married Via Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 Email drkachispellcast@gmail. com
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Hello, My name is Sarah Love Tover. I live in Dover, Delaware. My boyfriend Juan Tover and I have been dating for the past 4 yrs we were to get married but it never happened..he constantly messes around with his ex’s and other females every time he got caught he apologized and me to forgive him and I keep taking him back because I’m truly in love with this man but after a while he started messing around again. I had to do something about the situation. I went online and saw various testimonies of how people got their ex back but one testimony of Dr Odunga helped me find the right solution and I am very happy I contacted Dr. Odunga regarding my problem. My boyfriend is now my HUSBAND. We got married in United Church in Dover. My problem was solved. I am extremely happy to put his email odungaspelltemple@gmail.com to anyone out here looking to solve his/her relationship problem. You can also Whats-App him with his mobile number +2348167159012
Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i’m so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you’re having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: drkachispellcast@gmail.com his Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site
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